popeye syndrome

still have the unexpected dip into sadness over reality that whitney & chad have never once invited us out to visit. john pointed out the other day that they are welcoming & friendly when we visit, but the connection goes no further.

as sad as it makes me, am also understanding that whitney does what she feels needs doing in the best interests of that dear little family on dalton road. reality is that she associates me first & foremost with high stress moments. and there were plenty! my presence has always & forever deeply irked peter, beyond description ~ and maybe whitney, too.

thought this morning, "what if i could go back & do things differently?" my conclusion - whatever i thought would be the better, less fingers-on-a-chalkboard thing to do would have backfired as well.

will continue doing what i do best - occasionally sending my great nieces a package (now by mail, rather than in person ~ works better for me) of seasonal goodies. have ribbons & stickers, butterflies & notecards with their initials, crafting suggestions & the current issue of "family fun" magazine.

all i can be is all i ever should have strived for - to be what i yam. 'cause that's all that i yam!